Some People Only Have Sex Because They Feel Guilty
Sound the bummer alert – it turns out some people in relationships only have sex with their partner because they feel guilty if they don’t. ACK! WHAT?!
Now, two studies by University of Toronto researchers published this month in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, have divided the most common reasons why people have sex—and the ones most relevant to long-term relationships—into two broad categories of motivation: approach and avoidance. Approach motives pursue a positive outcome. (“I want to increase intimacy with my spouse” or “I want to feel closer to my partner.”) Avoidance motives aim to evade a negative outcome. (“I want to avoid conflict” or “I don’t want to feel guilty.”)
News flash – it’s better for you to have sex when you WANT to have sex instead of just when you feel bad for your partner.
The results: On days when a person’s motivation to have sex is more positively oriented, he or she felt more satisfied—both in the relationship and sexually—and had a higher level of desire. Conversely, on days when someone was motivated to have sex by more negative goals, he or she felt less satisfied and less desire.
ANOTHER news flash: When you’re actually enjoying the sex, instead of just squeezing your eyes shut waiting for it to be over, your PARTNER will enjoy it more too:
Researchers say [a] person’s sexual motivation affected his or her partner’s gratification. When someone had sex for positive reasons, the partner felt more desire and relationship satisfaction. When someone had sex for negative reasons, the partner felt less satisfied in the relationship and less sexually satisfied.
Long story short: if you WANT to have sex, it’s going to be WAY better. Duh with a capital D, right? But how to you get more turned on if you’re currently a person only having sex to please your partner, and not to enjoy it yourself? Don’t worry, we won’t leave you hangin’. Tune in tomorrow for OBC’s top 5 ways to help get you in the mood for booty (which will then make you log on to OBC, which will then help you get closer to winning the Million Dollar Sweepstakes. Win, win, WIN!).
See you here tomorrow for Gettin’ In The Mood 101!
