At an Oral Roberts University mass last week, the message must have been particularly patriotic because they felt it appropriate to bring a BALD EAGLE INTO THE CHAPEL and release it to the sounds of thousands of students screaming “U-S-A!” at the top of their lungs.

Newsflash: wild animals aren’t into being in enclosed spaces with loud, unfamiliar sounds. Either that or Bald Eagles are Jewish and really don’t appreciate you shoving your religion down their throats. Shabbat shalom, you jerks.

**(Don’t worry: the eagle is fine now.)