We’e noticed a lot of our members recently bemoaning the fact that they don’t get ay responses to their messages. A quick browse of their past messages, though, suggests that they are sending either boring or totally offensive things to fellow members – so it’s unsurprising their recipients are saying, “thanks but no thanks.”

Want to send a message that gets results? Here are OBC’s 3 steps to online dating messaging.

Step 1: Get their attention

So, you’ve spotted a single you’d like to get to know… awesome. Just like in the “real world,” your first move has got to be something fun, friendly, and memorable. You could just say “hey,” but know that about 1,000 other people have probably sent them that same message and have gone ignored. To make yourself known in a sea of singles, message something that they’ll WANT to respond to. Take note of something in their profile or photo that isn’t instantly noticeable, and say something like “is that 90-Day Fiance on the TV behind you? I’m kind of obsessed with that show too.” Or “you like cats, huh? No way, DOGS rule ;)” Just something that will make them think hey, this person actually spent some time looking at my profile.

Step 2: Keep it light

Remember, online dating is just like dating in the real world, so your first conversation should be friendly and light. Don’t jump right into “LET’S MEET UP;” instead spend some time getting to know their interests and personality. This is the part of online dating that is so much better than the old-fashioned way of meeting – you can find out a bit about a potential date before getting into an awkward “oh man we have nothing in common” kind of situation. Ask questions about their likes and dislikes, like “do you like wine or coffee more?” (if they don’t like either, they might be Mormon, which is also an important thing to know). Assuming you are from the same city, maybe ask if they’ve tried your favorite restaurant, bar, or music venue. This can help segue into where you might potentially hang out sometime, which leads us to step 3!

Step 3: Set a date!

Assuming you’re interested in the person you’re messaging, you’ll want to set up a date. Online dating experts always note that it’s important to meet in a public place where a lot of people will be for your first date. 99 out of 100 people you meet online are just like you, but you don’t want to find yourself in a shady situation with that one out of a hundred who has less than savory intentions. So instead of making a one-on-one romantic date for the first meeting, suggest that you two meet up sometime during a night out at one of the restaurants, bars, coffee shop or (busy) park you mentioned earlier in your conversation. Say something like, “hey, a friend and I are gonna grab a drink at a cool spot downtown this Friday, maybe if you’re out and about too, we can meet up?” It’s casual, it’s friendly, and it’s low-pressure, the three things all people want in a first date!

We know, you may have been out of the game for a while, but like riding a bike, you’ll be back to knowing how to do this online dating thing in no time, especially if you practice practice practice! So, sign in today and start practicing!