Now that your desire for the most TMI stuff on the web has been stoked, let’s move from obnoxious screechy comedian having an orgasm to 71-year-old granny talking about masturbation, shall we?

On a recent episode of Katie Couric’s morning show, septuagenarian Shirley Partridge of the 1970s hit show The Partridge Family was asked what keeps her looking young, and she answered with something no one was expecting: MASTURBATION. Rubbin’ one off. Self servicing. Slammin’ the clam, if you will.

According to Shirley (and science!) the reason sex and masturbation are key to keeping that youthful glow is that it “keeps you young no matter what. The feelings of it keep you going.” Sure, I probably would have rather heard it from Nina Agdal, but if it takes a lady who strongly resembles my grandmother to get people to accept their sexuality, then SO BE IT.

It should be noted that Mrs Partridge also claimed she was open to everything sexually and even once had a threesome. TAKE THAT, people who thought the Partridge Family was a good ol’ wholesome missionary-only type of TV show!

Listen to Mama Partridge, guys, and don’t be afraid to TOUCH YO SELF.