You guys, I have a Friday morning confession to make.

I know this guy.

Okay, I mean, I don’t like, know-know Julian, but unlike the many other creeps who’ve shared their weird obsessions on TLC’s My Strange Addiction and other shows, I actually saw a video of this dude on his YouTube channel like, 4 years ago. This is one of those times where I feel like maybe, just maybe, I spend too much time on the internet.

Anyway, back to Julian.

Unlike Dave, the non-sexual balloon lover from NatGeo’s Taboo, 62-year-old Julian has been very sexually aroused by the “beautiful, soft, smooth, delicate” nature of balloons for years, and doesn’t think there’s anything creepy about it. In fact, he says it’s just like a man who prefers “blondes or brunettes.” OF COURSE IT IS! TOTALLY THE SAME! BLONDES, BRUNETTES, LATEX BALLOONS. Samesies. He claims his wife has no problem with his fetish, but oddly enough she chose to have no part in the filming of the show.

I think my favorite part of the whole thing, though, is this comment on Gawker from a woman who has had many encounters with balloon fetishists during her time as a sex-chat phone operator. Her description almost makes it seem, I dunno, understandable. I’m probably not gonna go out and buy a pack of water balloons to pleasure myself with, but at least she made it less… um, horrendously vile and creepy.

You do your thing, Julian. Let’s just hope you don’t develop a latex allergy anytime soon.