Good MORNING, everyone! IT’S THURSDAY! We are getting so close to the weekend, I can almost taste it – it tastes like strawberries and freshly baked crescent rolls and just a TOUCH of vodka.

Let’s start today with a little mood booster, shall we? Like one that will make you feel less slutty? I know sometimes as a casual dater you might think of your “number” with a bit of a cringe. Not that you feel bad or anything, but WOW, you’ve definitely gotten some tail in the past.

Compared to twins Louise and Martine Fokkens, though, you are practically a virgin. These 70-year-old twin prostitutes from Amsterdam’s red light district are finally throwing in the semen-soaked towel and retiring from their jobs after sleeping with over 350,000 men combined in the past 50 years.

So don’t feel bad about that weekend you had three separate one-night-stands. That ain’t NOTHIN’.