How was your week? Can you believe it’s already MARCH?! Almost a fourth of the way through 2013! HOW IS THIS HAPPENING? You know what, let’s ignore it. Let’s pretend time isn’t linear and that we aren’t all barreling towards death faster than we can possibly fathom, and talk about the cool/crazy/weird/sexy stuff that happened this week. That way, when you’re chatting up that cutie at the coffee shop, you won’t sound like a total dummy. Even though it doesn’t matter because each moment is a moment closer to your demise anyway so who really cares.

CELEBRITY STUFF!

The top 5 things that happened at the Oscars that weren’t award-related.

Heidi Klum was at the Oscars, BTW, with her stellar rack.

“Kimye” got naked on the cover of a French magazine, which is step 2 in the celebrity pregnancy series.

Are Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle about to go on tour together? Please, Gods of Comedy. Say YES. Also while you’re at it, make sure Jeff Dunham never does anything ever again.

DATING & SEX: THE 411

A Groupon-like site for sex toys is here. Oh, you know what, BRB.

Sorry, I’m back. Here are our top 5 skills all great online daters should have. Learn them, love them, share them.

And if you follow those tips, you could end up in a steamy relationship like these real-life OBC members!

Here’s the best gift for your booty call. They’ll either love it, or be horrifically offended.

Larry Flynt + penis implant: the four words you never wanted to hear together. Or think about. And picture. Ick.

VIDEO TIME (Viral and otherwise)!

Game of Thrones is just a month away. Can’t wait to pour myself a cup of Dornish wine and shout WINTER IS COMING at everyone who walks by.

Don’t get naked and leave your hotel room. Just don’t.

This kid dancing is how I feel on a Friday afternoon, how about you?

HAPPY FRIDAY, WEEKENDERS! See you Monday!