As a kid, I grew up in a very thrifty family. I didn’t wear, eat, drink, or use anything name brand until I moved out of the house, and even now for the most part I’d rather go with a cheaper, less-cool option if it means I’ll save a buck (unless there’s a significant quality difference, of course). High class jeans? EH. Name brand string cheese? WHO CARES.

The strangest name brand thing that exists, to me, though, is WATER. As in H2O. As in, the substance that makes up 75% of both the planet AND our bodies. It blows my mind that people will skip over a dollar bottle of Kirkland Signature water for a $8 glass tube of Voss. Or will pay for water at a restaurant if they serve filtered water on tap. Sometimes I think it’s because people genuinely believe it tastes better, but for the most part I just think people think it makes them look cool.

NEWS FLASH, people who do that: it’s not cool. It’s a waste of money.

And in case you wanted a water even more shameful than Voss and Fiji (which is the WORST OF THE WORST), Diddy and Mark “How’s Your Mother” Wahlberg have joined together to promote AQUAhydrate, a “high performance water containing electrolytes and a higher pH level.”

look at those two. I just want to slap them.

Wahlberg claims that he started drinking the water while training for The Fighter, and introduced it to Diddy at a party, where they decided to join forces to promote the brand with the help of (GASP!) the former president of Fiji Water. Fun fact, before AQUAhydrate, Diddy “really [did] not like the taste of the majority of waters that are on the market.” Can’t you just picture Diddy at a club, taking a sip of VOSS at his bottle service table and spitting it out in disgust? “MY GOD WHAT IS THIS, RAW SEWAGE?!?!???!?!??!?!”

Needless to say, if you fell for this ridiculous scheme by two insanely rich men looking to leech more money off their silly, gullible fans, head over to AQUAhydrate, where you can buy 12 bottles for $30. Which is a totally reasonable price for something that is you can get free basically EVERYWHERE.

Enjoy.

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