CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THERE WERE TWO NICK CANNON NEWS PIECES IN THE PAST WEEK? WHAT IS GOING ON??? WHY DOES HE NEED PUBLICITY???

Ugh, whatever. According to Fox News, our favorite nobody Nick Cannon says he broke up with ex Kim Kardashian (back when she looked WAY MORE MIDDLE EASTERN THAN NOW, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN) because she lied to him about her sex tape with Ray-J.

On Howard Stern, he apparently said,

“We talked about this tape, and she told me there was no tape.
“If she might have been honest with me I might have tried to hold her down and be like ‘That was before me,’ because she is a great girl.
“She’s actually one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. But the fact that she lied and told me that there was no tape?”

The America’s Got Talent host (oh, that’s what he does.) went on to say that he thinks she may have been the one who “leaked” her sex tape, in order to gain more publicity, saying Kim was, “a great businesswoman” and that “she might have even had a part to play with (its release).”

Yiiiiikes. Callin’ her OUT! What do you think? Would you dump someone if it turned out they had a sex tape? What about if they lied about-

HOLD ON. I JUST REALIZED. Nick Cannon has been on BCU two times in two weeks. This exists. A mother and daughter duo star in porn together. And John Travolta, millionaire actor and jet pilot, let THIS GO PUBLIC. It’s for real, you guys.

The world is ending tonight.