Nothing says Friday like a heaping spoonful of Pat Robertson, that’s what I always say. The 400-year-old beacon of compassionate, not-at-all-unstable Christianity is ALWAYS a treat. Once again, just as he did in the famous “macaroni and cheese is a black thing” video, Patsy is here with some comments that make you feel as awkward that time you were at Thanksgiving dinner and your senile great-grandmother said your haircut was “dykey” in front of your gay aunt (this has happened) (not kidding) (it was f***ing mortifying).

This time, though, Pat’s on a rant about the recent book phenomenon Fifty Shades of Grey, the racy S&M novel series geared towards middle-aged women who aren’t getting laid women. Although I’m not personally a fan (I’ll take a good ol’ fashioned 30 second clip on RedTube, thankyouverymuch), I am glad that a book is helping women get more in touch with their sexuality. Especially since we learned that the book has helped skyrocket sales of sex toys, I’ve been #TeamChristian all the way. Pat, on the other hand, is DISGUSTED by the idea of women getting into “pornogracy.” Check it out:

It’s probably ridiculous to expect anything less from a guy who thinks that witchcraft in Haiti caused the tragic 2010 earthquake, but still. It’s always a fun game to see how far your stomach can implode in upon itself with embarrassment watching any clip with ol’ P-Rob. Even his CO-HOST seems like she wants to curl up in a ball in the corner. Does anyone else wonder if she’s involved in the world’s longest game of Boiling Points?