Look, I know you were probably expecting a Halloween-costumed cutie for this week’s Hump Day Hottie. And trust me, I SCOURED the web, looking for a drool-worthy lady in a skin tight costume, but there was just nothing new. Now that Heidi Klum and Seal are divorced, I’m pretty sure the celebrity world has stopped trying. “As long as I don’t have to compete with an anatomically correct skinless monster or Hindu Goddess Kali herself, WHAT’S THE POINT?” – Meryl Streep.

Needless to say, this year we were stuck with the same old boring crap: slutty mermaids, slutty Alice in Wonderland, slutty whatever-the-hell this is. Hilary Duff’s was pretty good, but definitely not sexified enough.

So instead, I chose the gorgeous Ashley Greene in this spread for GQ. I mean, look at her. SO much better than a cheap polyester stripper costume:

Retro-licious, if I don’t say myself. Ashley, best known for her role in the tween-obsession Twilight series, is finally free of the franchise (the final film premieres November 15th), and we look forward to see her next move, preferably in something where her hair doesn’t look like this.

Until then, we’ll hold onto this photo (and the others here – just as smokin’) and wish that we lived in the 50s and could take her for a ride in that sweet car and then make out at the drive-in theater while watching Creature from the Black Lagoon. It would be SO much better than this year’s Halloween, where we’re all being terrified by this walking horror movie.

For keepin’ it classy (and unbelievably sexy), Miss Greene, we thank you – and congratulate you for being this week’s Hump Day Hottie!