Halloween is nearly upon us, and we all know what that means, ladies! Trying to lose 10 pounds in 9 days so you can squeeze into an outfit that your mother would be ashamed of even though it’s 50 degrees out! HIGH FIVE FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS! Just kidding of course. The tradition of girls dressing like hookers on Halloween is a tradition, just like throwing up green on St. Patrick’s Day, and should be respected as such. Luckily for us ladies, we can pull on some lingerie and a pair of mouse ears and have people say “that’s the most convincing rabbit I’ve ever seen!”

Guys, on the other hand, have it tougher. Dudes have to find something that is either funny or sexy and elaborately well done for anyone to even notice. Which is why every guy ever is still dressing up as Jack Sparrow 400 years after the movie franchise ended.

The “funny” route is also tough. You could go as Terry from Reno 911 (which was MY idea until I realized drunk + rollerskates = compound fracture), or Ron Swanson, but for the most part, if you think it’s funny, chances are a million other dudes have thought of it already. My advice is if you’re gonna do it, DO IT RIGHT. Maybe there will be 20 Ron Swansons at the party, but you must be the best. Pretend there is a costume contest and the winner gets laid.

Above all, of course, Halloween is about fun and cutting loose and being crazy. So get out there and party to your heart’s desire, dressed up as somethin’ weird.

Just, whatever you do, guys, PLEASE DON’T DRESS UP AS A BIG BLACK DICK.

Via BuzzFeed