In “people who should have never been celebrities but somehow are it makes no sense” news, Heidi Montag is making headlines today with the news that she will be “performing” at Crazy Horse III Gentleman’s Club is Las Vegas on October 19th. Heidi and her G-cups must be hard up for cash, because she accepted the club’s offer of $25,000 to get up on stage (like Octomom and Danielle Staub before her).

Unlike those two classy ladies, though, Heidi WILL NOT be showing us the goods, just, uh, I guess like, shimmy-ing and swinging around the pole with a bathing suit on? I don’t know. I’d rather not picture it. Via TMZ:

The former MTV reality star has struck a $25,000 deal to appear at the Crazy Horse III strip club in Vegas on October 19 … but there’s a pretty big catch.
Montag — and her G-cup boobs — will not be getting naked. So, patrons will only get a chance to throw money at giant unfamous boobs that night.

So if you happen to be in Vegas that weekend and feel like wasting some cash, swing on over and watch a 26-year-old woman demoralize herself for enough cash to buy a used Toyota Camry! (Also, if you can, try and grab one of those ta-tas. I want to know if they feel like medicine balls.)