It’s HUMP DAY, which normally means a lovely, wonderful day of relaxation and staring at boobs. Unfortunately, we have to start off with this unpleasant video which shows a little sneak peek at the diva-drama we have to look forward to on the next season of American Idol. TMZ intercepted this clip of Nicki Minaj just straight going OFF on Mariah Carey at a recent AI audition in Charlotte, NC. I’m sure Mariah isn’t any more pleasant herself, but unfortunately it’s difficult to hear what she’s saying over the ear-raping din of Nicki’s voice. Note that Randy and Keith Urban are in the room too, probably contemplating whether or not their massive paychecks are worth listening to this bitch-fest.*

Here’s the transcript in case you’re not fluent in angry-Smurf language:

Nicki Get this s**t in self control. Get in control. Get in control.
Randy Settle down, settle down.
Nicki Don’t lose your head. Don’t lose your head (inaudible). Don’t tell me I’m a gangster.
Nicki (inaudible) every 5 minutes. So every time you patronize me, I’m-ma take it back, and if you’ve got a f**king problem, handle it.
Nicki I told them I’m not f**kin’ putting up with her f**king highness over there. Figure it the f**k out. Figure it out.
Mariah Oh why, WHYYYY .do I have a three year old sitting around me?
Nicki I’m not gonna sit here every f**king minute to have you come down and harass me every minute everyday.
Mariah I can’t see my kids, because you decided to act like a little crazy bitch and go all around the stage.

* – by bitch fest I mean “whine fest,” not “obnoxious woman” fest. No sexism here, friends.