Women have long been wearing undergarments to enhance their figures… from push-up bras to the strange and somewhat icky land of Spanx, underwear that act like a corset to squeeze women’s bodies into more thin, feminine shapes. I’ve always thought it was kind of a weird idea… because once guys get a girl home, strip her down, and see THIS UNDERNEATH, they’re going to realize she isn’t the hourglass shape she was advertising.

Not even Spanx, though, come close to being as bad an idea as a new product called Junk Jeans: men’s denim jeans with a “codpiece” attached, which claims to eliminate “squashing, squishing, scrunching, or splitting of the goods,” but is obviously just trying to create the illusion that a guy has an extraordinarily large package. I have known many men in my life, all who wear jeans, and I’ve never heard of any of them saying, “THAT’S IT! I’M DONE WITH JEANS. ALL THEY DO IS SPLIT AND SCRUNCH MY PENIS.” Is that really a thing, guys?

When I first read the press release for The Hot Child, the company behind these Junk Jeans, I was convinced it had to be a joke. With the oddly-pedophilic name, to the terrible website and font, to a model that looks like this and phrases like, “[The brand] will feature superior fabrics and impeccable cuts without any hint of pretentious bullshit,” I just couldn’t believe that this wasn’t a big sociological test to see how stupid consumers could really be.

However, reading this interview with Fashionista, I’m pretty sure the company is legit, and they genuinely believe they are making forward-thinking fashion for men. Somehow I think this makes it even more embarrassing.

What do you think? Have you long suffered from scrunched and split junk? Or are you as confused by Junk Jeans as I am?