The internet has made me aware of many things. Like how to fix a vacuum when you’ve lost suction. And how La Malinche undoubtedly altered the course of history when she was brought on as a translator for Hernan Cortes. Also that certain people are turned on by the idea of dressing, acting, and being treated like an infant child. So I KNOW that there are a million turn ons of every type, some that may confuse the hell out of me.

And this week’s silly sex tip (from Cosmo’s “Sex Tips from Guys” section) might be one of those, but it doesn’t make it sound any less silly:

HAHAHAHAHHA, MARBLES. Oh 21-year-old Greg. Why do I have the feeling that Cosmo approached you on the street for a quote about the “kinkiest” sex you’ve ever had, and you freaked out because you’ve only slept with one girl and you were both drunk at a high school graduation party and it was missionary and lasted 3 minutes, so you had nothing exciting to share, but then you saw a kid playing marbles on his front stoop, and decided to run with that, as ridiculous as it sounded?

I mean, how does one “casually” scatter marbles across the bed sheet? And how does the feeling of rock hard (literally, marbles are ROCKS after all) spheres across your spine feel “wicked”? I’m sorry. Call me cynical, but I just don’t picture this being a real thing.

Or maybe I just need to try it. Where does one buy marbles? I haven’t seen any since 1987.