Ohhhhhhh jeez. Okay. One second, let’s compose ourselves.

Alright. Let’s talk about this “ad” for a “dating service” that is actually just a “super f***ing stupid and borderline offensive commercial for a brand of crappy, dry-ass chips that they give away at 5Ks and even there people are like, ‘no thanks’.”

First of all, UGH, did you know that Ashton Kutcher gets paid $700,000 an episode for Two and a Half Men? That’s about 20 teachers’ salaries, for reference. Being that I hadn’t seen Mr. Kutcher act since the bad-on-purpose crapfest known as That 70s Show, it seems as though I forgot how shamefully bad this guy is at acting. Each stereotypical role he plays in this abomination of an ad is more terrible than the last, and that’s saying something considering how blatantly RACIST and EMBARRASSING the very first Indian character is. And then the stoner? The hick? The FLAMBOYANT OBVIOUS KARL LAGERFELD PARODY (LITERALLY HIS NAME IS DARL)??? So, SO bad.

Oh, and let me repeat that number for you in case you forgot – $700,000. PER EPISODE.

Anyway, back to the ad itself – I love that they went with the “dating video” idea, because it’s just SO topical, and not at allreminiscent of 1985. And I love how they tried to somehow combine that with the idea of a dating site despite the fact that the two are almost completely unrelated.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, POP CHIPS? Was the conference room where the screening of this commercial took place in the middle of a carbon monoxide leak?! WHO OKAYED THIS THING?!?!?

I give it twenty-four hours before Pop Chips pulls the ad, issues an apology, and punishes its entire ad team by making them eat PopChips in a room with playing Ashton Kutcher movies for a week straight. We’ll keep you updated.

UPDATE: I was right. PopChips has apparently pulled the ad from their channel and apologized, saying, “The new Popchips worldwide dating video and ad campaign featuring four characters was created to provoke a few laughs and was never intended to stereotype or offend anyone.
‘At Popchips we embrace all types of shapes, flavors and colors, and appreciate all snackers, no matter their race or ethnicity.’
‘We hope people can enjoy this in the spirit it was intended.”