Good morning and welcome to Monday, students! As you may recall from last week, I spent some time thinking of a fun addition to the week’s posts. With TestiMOANial Tuesday and Hump Day Hottie Wednesdays, it seemed that the other days needed a little love too.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll be adding in advice columns and hook up tips to the BCU repertoire, first starting with Monday “Silly Sex Tip of the Day” which will analyze and (most likely) make fun of the awful sex tips provided by the ladies at Cosmopolitan magazine. Starting with this hilarious one, THE SPIDER WEB:

Why it’s dumb:

GRAVITY. With both of you on your sides, gravity does its job and basically prevents any sort of thrusting whatsoever. Although Cosmopolitan claims there would be an “erotic explosion,” we’re pretty sure you two would just end up writhing around like disable slugs until someone shouted “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST GET ON TOP.”

Also, this terrible tip:

No. Just… no.