It’s early. I’m sorry that I have to rape your ears like this when your hair’s all rumpled and you still have your glasses on and your mouth smells like a basement and you haven’t even had your coffee yet. But this video was thrown in my face this weekend and I had to share the awful with you.

In the wake of the Rebecca Black Affair, it’s not as surprising anymore to hear terrible songs by people with no right to sing into a microphone. However, this video, produced by the infamous Ark Music Company for a women named Lisa Gail, is just about as bad as it gets. Miss Gail must have heard the trash talk from every corner of the internet over the weekend because she already took down the video, but luckily, some enterprising YouTube user rehosted the vid so we can continue to mock it for all eternity.

Brace yourselves, comrades. I give you, “Three Second Rule.”