Did you think My Super Sweet 16 was an awful show? How about Bridezillas? How do you feel about Jersey Shore? And garish displays of material wealth? If you’re like me, your answer to all those questions can be answered with one word: “BARRRRRRRRRRRRRRF.” So, if I were to tell you that TLC (of course! The Learning Channel!) was going to air a show that somehow manages to COMBINE ALL OF THOSE SHOWS INTO ONE, how would you feel? Personally, my gag reflex hasn’t worked this hard since that time someone left a chicken & milk bomb in my car.

Please take note in the preview above that there is not a mention of love, and fidelity and undying devotion and compassion for the person you love with all your heart and are excited to spend the rest of your days with. THERE IS, on the other hand, a whole bunch of mentions of the word “bling.” So that’s nice.