Today is Thursday, a wonderfully amazing Thursday because not only it it (a) a holiday tomorrow, but also (b) TWENTY FOUR HOURS UNTIL LIFT OFF TO VEGAS for the Manny Pacquaio vs Juan Manuel Marquez fight this weekend! ZIIIIING! However, my giddiness has had a temporary damper put on it by the many creepy and gross and unsavory news posts that I have read today. Thus, I have named this Thursday “No Thank You Thursday,” and will be bringing you the worst of the worst all day long.

Let’s start with a little jaunt into high school memories, where you snuck into your dad’s liquor cabinet and tried vodka for the first time and were pretty sure you would never ever put any alcohol in your mouth again because the FIRE, OH GOD THE FIRE. Now imagine that same stinging miserable death feeling, and then imagine STICKING A TAMPON IN IT AND SHOVING IT UP INTO YOU-KNOW-WHERE.

This is not a joke, people. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A JOKE.