After reading this clearly misogynistic, but also CLEARLY AMAZING ad for a beer glass that holds sixty ounces of beer, I wonder if I should switch professions and write cynical and bitter advertising lines. I think I’d be good at it. Examples:

[An ad for a fancy tie] “This tie is not only maroon and blue, which are the trademarked colors of rich folk, but it is also made of the finest silk, making you look and feel like a billionaire even though you’re going to an interview at Chick-fil-a.”

[An ad for a set of china] “This will look good in your china cabinet, and can also double as weaponry when your cousin comes out of the closet at Thanksgiving in front of your terrifying right-wing nut job of a grandfather.”

[An ad for a blender] “Answer: YES. It will blend an infants head, but only before their fontanelle closes.”

[An ad for a reusable BPA-free water bottle] “Buy this, you disgusting tree-raping hippie.”