If I had to think of the top five ways that I’d NOT want to be found dead, I’d say that “naked, wearing a dog collar, in a hot tub” would probably be #2, just barely above “with heroin in my butt” but definitely under “on the toilet covered in poop.”

Unfortunately for Brett Cummins (awesome last name, BTW), an Arkansas meteorologist, he was found passed out right next to that exact scene. According to the police report,

Cummins was found asleep in the hot tub next to 24-year-old Dexter Williams. Williams’ face was discolored, and he had a chain around his neck that appeared to resemble a dog collar. The owner of the hot tub claims that the three men had been drinking and doing drugs the night before, [and that] when Cummins awoke and found Williams unconscious, he screamed and threw up.

Yikes, how are you gonna explain THIS one to the guys at the office? Oh, no no no NO NO, guys, it’s not what you think. I was just hanging out in the hot tub with some buddies, and I was showing them the SUPER BAD ASS new dog collar that I bought for my DOG, my VERY TOUGH, MANLY dog, and we were so wasted that he must have fallen asleep with it on. Oh, yeah, the naked thing. I’m allergic to fabric?

According to the report, police do not suspect any foul play, but will continue the investigation until further autopsy results come to light. No word on weather Cummins will lose his job at the station.

Either way, I’m pretty sure at this point I think it’s time to leave Arkansas, bud.