Do we even need to be arguing our stance anymore? We’ve learned that kidnapping is more likely to happen by a close relative or friend than a complete stranger, and that you’re safer in an airplane than a vehicle, can we also now accept the fact that you’re most likely to be driven insane by your marriage as opposed to some freak outside source?

Take this unnamed Chicago man, for example, who had moved to Yorktown, Virginia, to be closer to his children that lived with his ex-wife. His plans did not seem to go through as desired though, when police responded to a domestic dispute last Thursday morning at 10 am. According to the police report, they found the man in a white Ford Explorer with a trailer (that was on fire, btw) hitched to the back,  and that’s where things got crazy.

Via CafeMom:

The man had taken a long cable — the kind used to “hoist an automobile engine” — and tied one end around a tree, and the other around his neck. When the cops asked him to exit the vehicle, he accelerated the car, and boom, beheaded himself.

He BEHEADED HIMSELF. Now, I’m sure the man was mentally unstable, and I’m sure the mother had significant issues of her own. But when was the last time you heard about someone getting so irritated with their ex-booty call, casual boyfriend, or friend with benefits that the only logical thing they could thing to do was SEVER THEIR HEAD FROM THEIR BODIES?

That’s right: never.

Reason #198 not to get married: the insanity might drive you to kill yourself with medieval proportions. Egads.