In this post-2 Girls 1 Cup world, I’m really unsurprised that people are turned on by anything. Teddy bears, Star Wars robot camels, diapers, you name it. The more interesting part to me is when people are totally open and public with their weird fetishes. I keep my weird shenanigans in the bedroom AND YOU SHOULD TOO, PLUSHIES.

Take this guy, for example, whose affinity for plastic has landed him under arrest a record FIVE TIMES. From nyk.com:

Edwin Charles Tobergta, 32, was arrested at his Harmon Avenue home early Sunday after he was spotted in the act in an alley in the 1800 block of Howell Avenue behind a residence, a police report shows. A male witness, who owns the raft and lives in the home near the alley, shouted at the suspect to stop. Tobergta took the raft and fled… police caught up with him, [and] he admitted to the crime and begged for help, according to police.  Tobergta’s grandmother, Linda Tobergta, cried as she explained to a reporter Wednesday how the family has tried to seek mental care for her grandson over the years, to no avail.

“He has a lot of mental problems and he’s always had a fascination for plastic. That’s just it. That’s all of it.”

Aw MAN, well now I feel bad for laughing at the mental image of a man rubbing his junk on a blow up pool. The poor guy just can’t help himself. He was just walking down the alley, minding his own business, when BAM, that shiny red plastic harlot grabbed him and started molesting him in the middle of the road. He probably cried out “stop, STOP! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!” and no one came to his aid. I think we need to start a support group for people who are constantly tortured by the insatiable desire to hump inanimate objects in broad daylight. First members: that guy, and my Scottish Terrier.