Here’s my gripe with Spanx, the compression underwear for women that, truth be told, do give the illusion of an hourglass figure even if you don’t actually have one: YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM OFF AT SOME POINT. And what kind of disappointment is a dude (or lady, your choice) going to have when they realize that that sick bod you were rockin is actually just a bunch of sausage meat maneuvered into tight-fitting spandex? CRY and/or VOMIT, PROBABLY.

Luckily, with women, hiding your imperfections in well-fitting clothes is generally acceptable. But for dudes? Well, lets just say that if you and I ever go home together and you peel off one of these ridiculous pairs of “Manx,” designed by a UK clothing company, I will be out your front door and in a cab before you can say “but the ad said they’d flatten my beer belly!”