I would just like to take this time to give a summertime PSA to my fellow females (and certain males, I suppose), to remind them of the inherent danger in getting drunk and parading around in your bathing suit. I, as well as the next person, know the joys of enjoying the hot sun and sexy photos that are taken, but unfortunately I also know the pain, humiliation and ass-bruises that young woman above had to endure. It’s not fun, my dear friends.

Your face will never return to its normal color and will remain stop-sign-red for the remainder of the day, and you will laugh but you will be crying – nay – SOBBING inside with embarrassment. So, you ask, how can I possibly keep prancing around looking sexy if there’s a possibility that I will become the next YouTube “fail” video that is laughed at by millions of Americans?

The answer is in three simple steps –

1) Don’t do that thing she did up there – trust me, you look just as hot (if not hotter) standing in one place and laughing at the dumb broads who are walking across a GLASS FLOOR IN THE MIDDLE OF A POOL.

2) Don’t get wasted – Chugging a margarita at light speed might feel like the best way to cool down your “I’m half naked” nerves, but it about quadruples your chance of eating sh*t in front of the very guys you want to impress.

3) Walk slow – I can not emphasize this one enough. WALK. SLOW. DO. NOT. RUN. There is a reason that saying was embedded in your brain as a kid. You WILL fall.

Good night and good luck!