Just like 9/11, the bin Laden killing, and the release of Cooler Ranch Doritos, we will all remember where we were and what we were doing when the world DIDN’T end on May 21st, 2011. People cheered in the streets and had end of the world parties, and news correspondents stood in Times Square, asking people how they felt about the fact that they weren’t being beamed up in heaven.

That part was, well, more depressing than anything else. Robert Fitzpatrick, a man who reportedly spent $140,000 on advertising for the event (his life savings) must feel pretty terrible right now, and we imagine the only consolation would be giving Mr. Camping a nice solid punch in the jaw, although that would probably make him disintegrate. The big question now is… what will Harold Camping do now? BCU has a few guesses of our own.

1. Admit he is a scam artist who took millions of dollars from vulnerable people and submit himself for arrest

I put this first, because let’s be honest, there is no way this would ever happen. A) He probably doesn’t believe that himself, and B) he has like five years left on this planet, why waste them being persecuted when he could just hide away in a bunker drinking warm milk and wearing a diaper?

2. Convince his followers that they all have to commit suicide to induce rapture

At this point, Camping is going to have thousands of people knocking on his door, demanding an explanation. People who, like Robert Fitzpatrick, gave their life savings to a cause that has always been retarded is now moot. His best bet is to pull a cult-move and serve up some red Kool-Aid already.

3. Endorse a crappy product

What’s the best way to salvage a dying career? Create a hilarious infomercial-worthy product, obviously! With Harold Camping’s experience and expertise, I would suggest either:

• Harold’s Microwavable Salvation Sandwiches
• Camping’s Christlike Camping Set – includes a tent, sleeping bags, and anti-Satan firewood!
• Harold’s Embalming Fluid for the Living… get skin like Harold’s for only $19.99!
• FamilyRadio Website Design Courses… Learn to Design a site like THIS for a fraction of the price of Website Design classes!

4. Create his own creepy heaven island, then drug and bring all his followers there

This is also unlikely considering it requires Camping to shell out his own money which he probably already spent on denture cream. However, if he was smart, he would have done this on Saturday – have all his followers pop a tranquilizing “Salvation-Prep Pill,” stick them on a plane to an unpopulated island, and then let them “discover” Heaven. This would be great for us back here too, because we’d stop getting accosted by religious nuts in front of Vons! Win – win situation!

5. Go back to the OG end of the world date: December 21, 2012

I don’t know why he didn’t stick with this date anyway… he would have convinced a whole other sector of people who believe in the Mayan calendar, and he would have had an entire extra YEAR to collect gullible peoples’ money! This is probably the most likely thing Camping will do… so stay tuned for some massive, ominous billboards coming to a freeway near you!