Did you know BCU is based out of San Diego, CA? It’s true. We are very fortunate to live and work in America’s Finest City, home of the Chargers, purveyor of fine Mexican food, and residence of most of the attractive people this side of the Mississippi.

Here are some fun things about San Diego :

—  Everything.

Here are some not fun things about San Diego.

—

NOTHING! Well, so I thought until I decided to hit the beach yesterday, and was bombarded with every crappy part about summer in a two hour span. Wondering what miseries can befall you during the best season of the year? Let me give you the rundown.

1. Sunburns

Don’t lecture me about sunscreen. I get it. I should wear more. But it’s difficult to remember to reapply every time you get out of the water, and being near the beach somehow exponentially speeds up the burn process (science). So while I should take responsibility for the pain, embarrassment, and misery,  I’m blaming the ozone layer depletion, which I blame on tourists.

2. Tourists

Every summer, San Diego becomes infested with these socks-n-sandals, fanny pack and farmer’s tanned families, and driving behind them, walking behind them, or being in their general vicinity is miserable. And look — I understand that tourism is one of our most lucrative industries, and I don’t want them to go away, I just wish that there was an enclosed gate or pen of some sort that we could keep them in so I don’t have to drive behind their “Don’t Mess With Texas” minivans. Is that so much to ask?

3. Sandy food

What a great idea! A picnic on the beach! Let’s bring sandwiches and chips and strawberries. You know what? The only thing that could make this better is if some dog ran up and kicked sand on everything so that with every bite I could feel the enamel getting scraped off my teeth! Oh! There! Perfect!

4. Proposition D

This is the time to mourn the passing of the Beach Booze Ban. Can we have a moment of silence?

5. TV quality

I understand that summer is a time to be outdoors, in the fresh air and sunlight. But sometimes you just wanna sit inside with all the lights off watching marathons of your favorite TV shows. Unfortunately, during the summer, entertainment takes a hiatus and we’re forced to endure daytime-television-quality 24 hours a day. No thanks, CSI: Bloomington, Indiana. I’m good.

Luckily, the pros outweigh the cons in the Whale’s Vagina, so I really shouldn’t complain. On a side note: I’m still going to.