As I’m sure you know if you typed in/clicked the URL to this site, the BCU staff is, in general, pro-single lifestyle. Not that there aren’t several million marriages around the world that are probably wonderful examples of two people loving each other unconditionally, it’s just that about half of those people actually don’t love each other unconditionally, they just kind of love each other conditionally.

On top of the fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce, there’s another reason that getting married will ruin your life, and if you’re a guy, it’s glaringly apparent: say goodbye to your bachelor life liberties.

1. Your “Floor-drobe”

Women are notorious for trying a million things on before deciding on an outfit, tossing things casually to the floor or bed after deeming them repulsive and unwearable. However, whether it be after we get home for the night, or the next morning, those clothes will go back in the closet for another try-on sesh later. Men, on the other hand, tend to throw everything on the floor immediately from the dryer, and then pick and choose from their floor-drobe what is least wrinkled to wear each day. Guess how many times that’s allowed to happen once you tie the knot: that’s right. Zero times.

2. Pantsless TV time

Just FYI, we know  that on Sundays you move from your bed to the couch  for early morning football games without putting on pants. We also know you run to put on pants right before we get there so you don’t look like a hobo, because there is only one reason a man in pajama pants would be panting. We’re confused and turned off by this practice, but whatever, you’re a bachelor. Once you get married, pantsless TV becomes prohibited.

Also, how come you have time to put your football jersey on but not pants?

3. Shower Beers

Something about a cold frosty beer mixed with a steamy shower is totally refreshing. I know, cause I’ve done it. However, if you’re bringing a beer into the shower, it has to be a can, and once you get married, crappy canned beer is only allowed during football games and barbeques. Oh, the humanity!

4. Not having food

Why is it that whenever we have the unfortunate task of opening your refrigerator there is only beer and like, mayonnaise in there? You’re going to the store to buy beer anyway, why can’t you just swing through a couple aisles and get food while you’re at it? Whatever. Either way, once you get married, grocery trips are going to include grocery lists, and a woman + grocery list + envelope of coupons = Not fun.

5. Videogames till 5 am

We’re in an age when being annoyed with a guy playing video games is like being irritated that the sun is so damn hot. It’s going to happen, there is nothing you can do about it, so you might as well find something good in it. With the sun- get a tan. With a dude- take his credit card to go shopping. Just kidding, that would be illegal.  Anyway- guys- once you get married, your video game privileges are limited to an hour a day or when you can sneak off to a friends house. You’ll feel like your 12 again, and not in a good way.